Where
parents see independence, their children see risk
Aging parents
grow stubborn, and researchers are uncovering the reasons why.
Studies show not only
do adult children complain that their parents are stubborn — the parents
themselves admit it.
An aging parent might
want to exercise independence by walking to the store for groceries, but the
child may see it as risking a fall.
Three-quarters of
adult children and two-thirds of older parents reported that the parents acted
stubbornly sometimes, while two out of five children and one in five parents
said the stubborn behavior occurred often, according to one
study.
Typically, “as
children become more involved, they may make suggestions for things that older
adults might do to maintain their safety and well-being, only to find out that
older adults see things differently,” according to the study of 189 aging
parents with an adult child.
Researchers say a key
reason is differing goals of children and parents.
An aging parent might
want to exercise independence by walking to the store for groceries, but the
child may see such a venture as risking a fall.
“Adult children and
parents may not always agree on what is best for the parent or how the parent
should act,” said a related
study that asked 192 middle-aged adults to keep diaries of their
parents’ behavior.
One-third reported
stubborn behavior at least once, and about one in five reported risky behavior
at least once in a seven-day period.
Dr. Allison Heid of
the New Jersey Institute for Successful Aging at Rowan University and one of
the studies’ authors, drew inspiration from her grandmother, who lived in
upstate New York and insisted upon shoveling the snow from her sidewalk in her
80s.
“She wanted to
maintain her independence and sense of control,” said Heid.
“From my perspective, I wanted her to be safe and not have her arthritis act
up.
“Sometimes she would
stop shoveling to pacify us, and other times do it anyway.”
The studies sought to
distinguish the difference between stubbornness as a personality trait and
as behavior that can be modified.
The research warned
that such situations can harm the emotional well-being of the adult children
and their relationships with their parents.
“As parents age,
every day, some adult children encounter behaviors that are difficult to
manage,” the second study said.
Children with good
relationships with their parents reported less stubbornness and vice versa.
Children were more likely to report parental stubbornness if the parents were
disabled, and children were likely to report fathers as more stubborn than
mothers.
“Such tensions in
families may have a corrosive effect on how adult children and their parents
interact with one another over the long term.”
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