February
24, 2020
Every
caregiving plan must be based on the wishes and consent of the people involved.
Family members should never plan or intervene in the lives of their loved ones
without their knowledge or consent. When you discuss planning with your older
loved one, remember to start small and build slowly. When starting the
conversation, remember TEMPO:
·
Timing - Make
sure you and your loved one have plenty of time to talk without interruptions
or concerns about being someplace else.
·
Experience – Tie
the discussion to personal experience. For example: “Mom, I just finished
working on my will. I was wondering when you last looked at your will?”
·
Motivation – Know
why you want to have this conversation. Of course, you have your loved one’s
best interests at heart, but your life and your family matter as well. Your
loved one will appreciate you being truthful with them (and yourself) about why
you want a plan.
·
Place – Hold
your conversation in an environment where your loved one is comfortable, but
that also has little noise and few distractions and interruptions.
·
Outcome – Focus
on the conversation, not quick answers to your questions. In talking about
caregiving, you want to lay the ground work for mutual respect and a
willingness to share information and discuss feelings, wishes and needs.
If you
find that your loved one is reluctant to talk about their care needs or
situation, know that this is normal. Many people don’t like to think about
needing help from others. Be persistent, but respectful. Try using examples
from your life or people you both know. Find something that is important to
them, such as choosing the care they prefer or activities they wouldn’t want to
give up, and build from there.
It may
also be helpful to involve someone else in the conversation that your loved one
respects, such as a trusted friend or family member, clergy member or a
professional, such as a doctor, attorney or financial advisor.
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