The fatigue is real.
By Lisa Milbrand July 12, 2021
There seems to be a lot more napping
involved in post-COVID socializing. At first, I thought it was just me needing
to rest up before a cookout, or dozing off in the midst of a movie night with
friends.
But I'm not alone in feeling fatigued
from a socializing schedule I would have handled just fine pre-pandemic. For
most people, getting back to the new normal is a lot more tiring than they
expected. "In my own life and amongst my friends and colleagues, I have
heard people report that they feel exhausted, or that they have to dig deep to
socialize," says Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D., author of How to Be
Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety.
You can chalk that up to the massive sea
change we've all experienced over the past year. "I think it's part of the
rebooting of our society," says Ken Yeager, Ph.D., clinical director of
the Stress, Trauma and Resilience (STAR) program at The Ohio
State University Wexner Medical Center. "I don't think we have
ever really experienced this before—and thinking through all these processes
and what socializing looks like now, is creating stress."
Why
socializing is a lot more tiring post-COVID
It's not your imagination—you need to
work a lot harder to socialize now than you did in 2019. And there are several
reasons for it
We're
rusty at it
After more than a year of Zoom calls and
small backyard get-togethers, we're out of practice at how to handle social
events—and it takes more energy to deal with the novelty of it all. "We've
fallen off our normal pace and intensity," Hendriksen says. "When
that momentum grinds to a halt, breaking that inertia requires extra energy and
motivation."
And while we've been still getting
together with our nearest and dearest, we haven't had to make small talk with
strangers in a while. "You're moving around more, seeing more people and
that requires interaction," Yeager says. "That's an expenditure of energy
that hasn't really been happening for a year."
There's
more anxiety about getting together
Everything about getting together has
been stressful for more than a year—with social distancing, masking, and trying
to figure out how to safely eat or drink around people outside our household.
That stress isn't necessarily going to
disappear overnight—especially as we still have concerns about variants and
outbreaks. "Do I have to wear a mask; do I not wear a mask?" Yeager
says. "We've never had to worry about these things before."
More
of us have mental health issues
The pandemic has unleashed a wave of
anxiety and depression, and that has impacted every aspect of our lives.
According to a survey conducted by
the National
Center for Health Statistics, the number of people reporting
symptoms of anxiety or depression skyrocketed during the pandemic. "Nearly
half of the American population reported anxiety, depression, or both,"
Yeager says.
It's
hitting both introverts and extroverts
You might think that this fatigue would
be more closely linked to introverts, who have always had to muster up the
energy to head out when they're perfectly happy to chill at home. But fatigue
can come for the extroverts, too, as they try to make up for lost time.
"Extroverts might wear themselves out going all out, and still experience
fatigue," Yeager says.
How
to get back into the social groove
Fortunately, the socializing slump you
might be feeling right now will eventually disappear, as we get more used to
being around people. But there are a few strategies to get you over the
hill—and back to your friends and family.
Give
yourself more down time
You may have had a go-go-go mentality
pre-pandemic, but now's the time to (slowly) ramp up to that schedule. (So yes,
set aside time for that pre-party power nap!)
"Build in some down time so you can
rest and recuperate," Yeager says. "Find time and space in your
schedule to recharge batteries and relax, getting outside and getting some
fresh air into your lungs."
Set
boundaries
To help reduce the stress of social
interactions, set boundaries that'll help you feel comfortable.
"Articulate what you're willing to
do and not willing to do," Hendriksen says. "Our family is not all
vaccinated yet, so we're not doing indoor dining. If someone invites us to go
to an indoor restaurant, we would suggest eating outdoors or ask, 'Would you
like to come over for takeout in the backyard?' You can set boundaries and
still be friendly and compassionate."
You might even want to set time
boundaries—like suggesting meeting up for coffee for an hour, rather than a
more open-ended invite.
Start
small and build on it
Your first post-quarantine outing
probably shouldn't be a big, indoor wedding or a crowded restaurant. Look for
ways to start small (a small get-together in someone's house), and work your
way up to bigger or more complex get-togethers.
"Take it slow and simple,"
Yeager says. "People may be experiencing anxiety going back into events.
Instead of jumping into a week's vacation with friends or a full-stadium
sporting event, practice a little bit and ease yourself into it with smaller
interactions."
Don't
put too much pressure on yourself
If you're feeling anxious about getting
together, you could be putting too much pressure on yourself to make a reunion
even more memorable.
"You don't have to be your best self
to be yourself," Hendriksen says. "Don't try to overcompensate by
telling extra-zany stories, being extra-entertaining, or otherwise trying to
carry the conversation. Take pressure off yourself and turn the attention spotlight
onto the people you're with."
If you're hosting, you might find
yourself being rusty at hospitality. (Both Hendriksen and I have had people at
our houses for more than a half-hour before offering them a drink!)
"As long as you have good intentions
and repair the situation upon noticing, it's fine," Hendriksen says.
"Try a line like 'I've gone feral, so if I forget, help yourself.'"
Don't
forget your healthy habits
If you aren't eating or sleeping well,
that'll make mustering the energy to socialize even harder.
"Your sleep patterns may be
disrupted if you're going back into work," Yeager says. And look for
healthy snacks with plenty of protein to help you avoid a sugar crash that'll
sap your energy.
Fake
it until you make it
After a year-plus at home, it's going to
take a lot of energy to put ourselves back out there—and we might sometimes
have to just force ourselves to make it happen, even when we're tired.
"Push yourself to do the things that
you have enjoyed in the past, with people you know you like and want to spend
time with," Hendriksen says. "Experiencing anxiety about our social
life doesn't mean something is wrong or dangerous. More often than not, you'll
be glad you went."
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