Here's
what to look for—and what you can do
by Julie Halpert |March 19, 2019
Deb Hallisey’s
mother, Doris, is 87 and lives alone. She’s legally blind and has mobility
issues. Doris knows she needs help—but has no plans to move into an assisted
living home.
Hallisey, who lives
an hour away from her mother in Princeton, N.J., has spent plenty of restless
nights worrying about her mom. But she knows it would be hard to find a
facility that would agree to take Doris’ dog, Bella, who barks frequently.
“Bella is one of her reasons for getting up in the morning,” says Hallisey. “At
the same time, I need to know that my mom is safe.”
It’s a common
situation. A 2018 AARP survey found that 76% of Americans ages 50 and older
prefer to stay in their current homes as they age. And many elderly Americans
do just that, often under the watchful eye of their children or other younger
relatives.
But you may struggle
with the question of whether your parents are actually capable of living
independently, and if so, for how long. “It is quite common for an elderly
person to deny the need for help or represent to others that they are doing
well and managing,” says Susan Hurst, a social worker and assistant clinical
director at Stowell Associates, in Milwaukee, Wisc., which provides home care
and care management services. Older people are often hesitant to disclose
problems because they’re afraid they’ll be told to move,
Hurst says.
Hurst says.
Especially if you
don’t live close by, you need to be on alert for the signs your elderly love
one isn’t coping well—and/or enlist others to help you make that determination.
Know what to watch
for
The next time you
visit your parents, check for the following:
Disorganization. Does the house seem
more cluttered than normal? Are there stacks of unopened mail? Often, early
dementia or depression brings an inability to manage daily tasks, like banking,
medication or meal preparation; your parent may miss doctor appointments and
social engagements, says Hurst.
“It is quite common
for an elderly person to deny the need for help or represent to others that
they are doing well.”
Susan Hurst, social
worker and assistant clinical director at Stowell Associates
Isolation. Ask your parent
about his calendar and who he’s seen lately. If you sense that he’s isolated
and has lost interest in engaging in life outside the home, that’s a cause for
concern, says Lenard Kaye, a social work professor and director of The
University of Maine Center on Aging.
Weight loss. This could be
related to a host of issues, such as depression, dementia, or an underlying
medical issue.
Falling. According to a 2018 study
by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one out of four individuals
aged 65 and older report falling each year. Three million wind up in the
emergency room. Many of those falls occur right in the home. Those who fall
regularly—two to three times within the past few months—may have mobility or
balance problems, says Hurst.
Don’t live in easy
visiting distance? Reach out to people in your parents’ community. Friends,
neighbors, and those in their place of worship, can be your eyes and ears.
“Your parents’ next door neighbor may tell you that they notice the mail or
newspapers piling up, lawn work hasn’t been done, or the garage door isn’t
being shut,” says Hurst.
Also, many local law
enforcement offices have programs to regularly check in on the well-being of
older adults in the communities they serve.
Have the conversation
If you think your
parent may be at risk, sit down with them in person. Explain that you care
about their well being and want to ensure they remain safe in their home.
“Their next door
neighbor may tell you that the mail is piling up, lawn work hasn’t been done,
or the garage door isn’t being shut.”
Lenard Kaye, director
of The University of Maine Center on Aging
Then offer solutions
to help. If the issue is falling, easy fixes like removing rugs and tightening
up loose banisters on stairwells can help, Kaye says. You may also need to
consider more significant design modifications.
If you expect to
encounter resistance, you may want to enlist a third party to be there for the
conversation.
You can also hire a geriatric care manage (GCM) to help assess your parents’
situation and, if necessary, execute a caregiving plan. You can find a
certified GCM through the Aging Care Life Association.
Get help from
technology
If your parent is
struggling, but can manage without day-to-day help, there are dozens of gadgets
that can increase their safety.
For medication: Pre-sorted pills
can help your parents keep track of their meds. Amazon’s PillPack, for example,
provides a monthly strip of pill packets the user remove daily, and will notify
you if your parents miss a dose.
For falls: There are various
sensors on the market that allow your loved one to be monitored passively.
These types of technologies tend to be more reliable than something they would
have to wear or press, since they require no action on the part of the person
being monitored.
There are also new
systems on the market that blend cutting-edge “smart” technologies with access
to help in the event of an emergency. The MobileHelp
Smart, for example, works with the Samsung Gear S3 Smartwatch, allowing your
parent to track key health metrics while also having access to emergency
response if they need it. The watch costs $350, plus $25 per month for 24×7
monitoring.
For connectivity: Many companies are
using voice commands as a more seamless way for older adults to interact with
technology.
Hallisey, for
example, programmed her mother’s phone so she can place calls through Amazon
Alexa. She also bought smart plugs for the lamps in her living room, so they
can be turned on and off through the device.
The smart devices
have helped her stay in touch, and have given her mother a sense of security
and independence. “I know I can introduce other things and she’ll be more
comfortable with it,” Hallisey says.
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