The Inevitable Deep Dive That Will Hit You Like A Truck

Zdravko Cvijetic

Apr 10

I struggle with an odd challenge.

You might find yourself in the story I’m about to tell.

Anytime I stumble upon an idea or learn something that came out of a success or a failure, or a person, or whatever weird place ideas generally originate from.

I get fixated on it. So much so, that it stalks me for years, and it kind of becomes a filter through which I perceive certain aspects of my life.

Somewhere a few years back, this exact thing happened.

And after I’ve seen its application in my life, I called it the Sequence.

Awesome title, I know.

Anyway, to sum it up.

It’s like cooking.

When you have groceries and spices, you can’t randomly start slapping them around.

You need the recipe.

An exact order you follow that will make everything easier.

Now, something similar exists in life.

At least I believe it does.

Here’s how I think the first step of that sequence looks like.

Everything starts with self-awareness.

No, I’m not joking, and I’m not talking about some vague, cliche, fluffy kind of awareness.

I’m talking about knowing yourself. And not like what music you like. That’s fine.

But all of the gritty-witty you will find deep down when you look inside.

That’s the Inevitable deep dive we are afraid of.

The whole, I was blind, but now I see bullshit.

Now, before I explain, the main reason why self-awareness is important because only then you will be able to look at life as a spectrum, which is crucial — as you will use it do decide honestly what do you actually want to do with your life (and yourself).

What I mean by this is asking yourself do you want a SIMPLE LIFE, or do you want to BECOME GREATER THAN LIFE ITSELF?

Which one is it?

Because we can talk all day long about the PURPOSE, and DESTINY, but we all know that is like Santa. It was made up by certain people, to make other people feel better.

It’s up to each one of us individually to take control, and deep down, we all know that we want something more than just a simple life.

So how does this whole “Greater than life” thing works?

Well, here’s what I made myself believe into. It might work for you too.

Our individual experience is influenced by nature and nurture.

Or to be more specific, there are things you couldn’t control that will influence you, and affect your life, lifestyle, circumstances, starting point, personality, and so on.

Things such as your race, gender, set of parents, physical aspects, country of birth, religion, class of society, wealth.

These were handed to you.

Most of us live according to what we have been handed, and work our life into all of that.

·         Kinder-garden.

·         Primary school.

·         High-school.

·         University (if possible).

·         A job.

·         A mortgage.

·         An apartment/house.

·         A fiance.

·         A marriage.

·         Kids.

·         A retirement.

Unfortunately, this is the most common recipe that was handed to most of us.

But we haven’t been taught to question it.

And we don’t naturally question it, because we haven’t been taught to be self-reflective.

However, if we want to take control of our individual life recipes, we need to do a deep dive into our story.

Without doing it superficially, and without doing it for the sake of doing it.

But take some time, turn off everything, isolate yourself, get some food, play some music, take a sheet of paper and a pen.

Then start. Let your mind wander.

Try to think of the first moment you remember.

Go far.

As far as you can remember.

Write down as many events, situations, relationships, people, that influenced you.

Anything that happened to you, the good, and the bad.

Do it without censoring anything, including yourself.

Try to recall specific moments after which you’ve changed the way you behaved.

What lessons did you learn along the way?

Try to write chronologically, and map out your life timeline.

Just write, and be honest.

If you can’t remember a span of time, that’s okay too.

I blacked out almost everything from 2002 to 2005 — nothing life tragic happened, it was uneventful, so I stashed it deep in the back of my mind. It’s there, but not worth 3rd round of exploration.

See how did these different things influence your life, and how do some of them influence you still…

Here are some of the questions you can ask yourself:

·         Where were you born? How did that shape you?

·         Your upbringing? Family?

·         How did the relationship between your parents influence your relationships? And you?

·         How did you become like your mom? Like your dad?

·         What do you need to do, to change the negative aspects that you modeled from your parents?

·         What did you learn through school?

·         Or the people around you?

·         Who were your friends, through various stages in life? Why were these people your friends (and why some of them still are)?

·         How did your relationships work out? What mistakes did you make? Or even, what mistakes do you keep making in your current relationships?

·         What kind of people were you romantically attracted to? Why? What characteristics and behaviors did/do they have?

·         What hobbies did you have? And which one of them did you really engage with?

·         What interests did you have? Were any of them cut down by people around you?

·         What did make you obsessed? Do you still have that?

·         What are your values? And do you compromise often on them?

·         How did you grow? Evolve? Think of all areas of your life.

·         What are you still holding on to? Maybe something that’s preventing you from moving on?

·         What’s unresolved?

·         Do you hold grudges?

·         What are your most common excuses?

·         What do you rationalize the most?

·         What are you good at? Don’t be afraid to be vocal about it.

·         What skills have you acquired throughout the years? How do they interact with each other? Do you see any new connections?

·         What are you passionate about? What activities put you in the state of flow?

·         Who do you like to be around with? Who lights you up? Who builds you up, and stacks up your ideas?

·         Who don’t you like to spend time with? Who drains your energy?

·         Did you say what you needed to say to people that you needed to?

·         What are your biggest goals? And think clearly here. Do you still want to pursue those, or there is something else that you feel pulled towards?

·         What feels right to you? Where do you want to take your life? And think freely here, without limitations.

These are some of the most difficult questions you will ask yourself.

And it’s imperative that you do.

Even, even, if you are like I am who thinks he/she/they know better.

Because, you can’t go out there in the world and give your best, if you didn’t have closure with yourself, and until you are confident in the story that shaped you.

To do that, you need to break down every aspect down, until you realize how it influenced you.

Only then, you will be able to look at life, go out there, and see what you are capable of.

And this, believe me, is what everything is about.

We can say whatever we want to but hear me out here.

When someone asks me the purpose of life question, I usually have two answers.

Q: What is the purpose of life?

The diplomatic answer I actually believe in: Whatever you want it to be.

What personally guides me: Continuous evolution and intentionally discovery of your personal potential and its application.

By operating like this, your compass is no longer be influenced by the things you couldn’t control.

But rather the story that brought you to this moment, how you DECIDE for it to shape you, and your choice to decide where do you want to go with your next chapter.

Don’t think about the ending of the book.

Think about the chapter you’re in.

See what do you like about it, and what do you want to continue doing, who are the people you want to keep, and other things you deem valuable and important.

And then take a hard look at the things that are not that great. And see what’s the first thing you can start changing. Unless there are urgent things, you have time.

Life is a long-term game.

Just start, gradually, one thing after another.

They are all interconnected.

Once you change one thing, it will influence other things in your life, just like a domino would.

Don’t trust me?

Here’s an example:

Get fit.

Or to be more specific, find the optimal weight for your height, and a ratio between % of body fat and body muscle — which can be sustained with a little-to-no effort by automating recovery, diet and physical activity.

Result?

·         Better sleep quality.

·         More energy.

·         Higher productivity (increased efficiency and effectiveness).

·         Elevated confidence (as you look dashing).

·         Better sex life (if you have one)

And I can continue on how to will improve your odds in the personal and professional world, not because people are shallow, but because when people see a fit person, someone who takes care of their health to such a degree, they automatically assume that’s how you approach other aspects of your life.

Which in most cases will be true.

Because fitness is as much of a habit, as it is a skill. And both habits and skills are also interconnected, and transferable.

So building discipline and knowledge in one often fuels acquisition of the next one, and makes it much easier.

We’re talking just about getting fit so far.

What about learning languages, public speaking, or some other useful habit/skill?

Just imagine how adding these in your life, or removing some other harmful ones can impact your life.

Final Takeaway

If you’re already here, reading this, it means that you're picking up what I’m putting down.

So, take action, don’t bookmark it.

Just so you don’t feel left out, know that me finishing this article (which has been in my draft for a year now) is my way of taking action.

https://medium.com/@zdravko/the-inevitable-deep-dive-that-will-hit-you-like-a-truck-30b7a6c067cf?inf_contact_key=d18ff4acd08b8a3a220b16042f56cf02680f8914173f9191b1c0223e68310bb1