Instead
of calling the florist or cooking up a casserole, consider one of these 16
options.
Your neighbor is in
rehab after knee surgery. Your friend is diagnosed with breast cancer. Or your
uncle, who cares for your aunt, is recovering from a heart attack. Of course
you want to help, and show them that you care.
The problem is, we
often default to sending flowers or food. “Dropping off a lasagna sometimes
isn’t the most helpful,” says Laura Malcolm of Seattle, the creator of Give InKind,
a platform that helps people coordinate support for those in need. And trimming
the stems and changing the water in a houseful of floral arrangements can
sometimes feel like one more task for a caregiver.
Saying, “Let me know
if there’s anything I can do,” isn’t always that helpful, either. People in
need often feel overwhelmed and don’t know what to request. “When a health
crisis hits, everything comes to a screeching halt. Except that life
responsibilities continue,” says Dawn Veselka, a radiation therapist and
co-founder of the central-Florida based Chronic
Warrior Collective.
Instead of calling
the florist or cooking up a casserole, try one of these options:
1. Cash
Some people feel that
giving cash is impersonal. But Veselka says, “There are always unexpected
expenses: food and supplies during an emergency hospital stay, valet parking,
co-pays, medical equipment, medicine, hotel room, etc.” Veselka recommends cash
instead of a check, since cashing a check can be one more task the recipient
has to manage.
2. Gas gift cards
If you don’t like the
idea of giving cash, gas gift cards are a nice option, especially for people
who have to travel for treatment, Veselka says.
3. Pet care
Malcolm says she’s
talked to doctors who have seen seniors leave emergency rooms against medical
advice because they had no one to walk their dogs. Offer to care for pets, or
arrange for care via Rover
or a local pet caregiver.
4. Your presence
Virginia
Pillars of Raymond, Iowa, says her family faced a series of health
crises shortly after her 50th birthday. “Some people sat with
us in hospitals or at home. They didn’t offer advice or suggestions. They just
sat with us and at times, cried with us. I knew I wasn’t alone with my grief,”
she says.
And health crises
often come with hours in the hospital or at home with little to do. “Offer to
sit with them to play cards, watch a movie, read a magazine, or order a pizza.
Just being there can make a world of difference and take their mind off their
health,” says Robyn Flint of Virginia, who has experience as an outpatient
counselor.
5. Groceries
Veselka recommends
asking for a list and doing the shopping yourself. Next best is a gift card to
a delivery service, like Instacart, FreshDirect,
or AmazonFresh/Prime Now.
Check your recipient’s address to make sure delivery is available in their
area.
6. Delivered food
“Gift cards to Uber Eats
or Door Dash-type
services are nice for days when the recipient isn’t up for cooking,” Veselka
says. You can also send a gift card from a favorite local restaurant.
7. Help with
household tasks
Offer to mow the
lawn, rake the leaves, take out the trash, clean the house, or do the laundry.
If you can’t do these things yourself, see if you can hire someone to take care
of them.
8. Overnight care
If someone needs
round-the-clock care, offer to spend the night so the caregiver can get a good
night’s sleep.
9. Accompaniment to
doctors’ appointments
It’s not just for
companionship, though that’s important. Teri Dreher, founder of NShore Patient
Advocates in Chicago, says one study found that more than half of
patients couldn’t remember what their doctor had told them. “It’s normal to
mentally ‘check out’ upon hearing bad news like a tough diagnosis,” Dreher
says.
10. A medical record
organizer
Celeste O’Connor of
Columbus, Ohio, bought an organizer for her grandmother, who was caring for her
grandfather with Alzheimer’s. “She was very disorganized and kept losing the
important documents of his brain scans, bloodwork, medications, etc.,” she
says. “I bought her a medical record organizer to help her with
organizing and sorting all of this out, and to help relieve some of the
overwhelming paperwork and medical history documentation she’d misplaced over
the years.”
11. A shareable
calendar
Set up an online calendar
people can access to see how they can help. They can choose to provide
transportation to appointments, offer companionship during treatments or
recovery, or help with any other tasks. You can list recurring options, like
the best visiting hours for someone in an extended rehab stay, for example.
12. A wish list
“We build registries
for weddings and babies to say what we need,” Malcolm says. People dealing with
health crises have needs, too. You could help them create a wish list for
things like new clothing to wear while they recover, non-skid socks for
slippery floors, or medical equipment like slings, braces, or walkers.
13. Cards, letters,
texts, or emails
“Many people told us
stories of their own lives and how things felt bleak for a while, but also how
they managed to hang on for one more day,” Pillars says. Share your thoughts,
but don’t ask questions that imply you would like a quick response.
14. Fundraising help
Deductibles and
co-pays for healthcare expenses, plus lost income, can devastate a family’s finances. Offer to set up
a fundraising page on GoFundMe or another site — many of these pages
are hosted by a friend or family member of the person in need.
15. Help for the long
haul
“Pace yourself,”
Veselka says. “If someone is facing a long-term health battle, do not
overextend yourself in the first month and then bail. Figure out what you can
do to help in an ongoing manner.”
16. The opportunity
to say “no, thanks”
Not everyone is
comfortable having someone else cleaning their house, or sleeping in their
guest room.
“Remember: this is
about them. Make an offer and accept their response. Do not get offended if
they don’t want you to do something that you think is a fabulous idea,” Veselka
says. “Roll with it and ask what you might be able to do for them that they
would be comfortable with having you do.”
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