A 1993
lawsuit radically transformed the state of grandparents’ rights in the U.S.
I often tell my
clients that family trees don’t die in a divorce, they just split. Families
whose kids come out on the other side of divorce happy and well-adjusted focus
on giving their children strong roots; loving relationships with both parents,
as well as loving bonds with their extended families.
Grandparents are
among the most important branches that support kids after a family tree splits.
While the thought of protecting grandparent
visitation rights may seem warm and fuzzy, the origins of major
family law changes that have taken place over the past two decades are rooted
in a tragedy that forever changed the face of family law related to
grandparents’ visitation rights.
The origin of
grandparents’ visitation rights
The modern state of
grandparents’ visitation rights dates back to the early 1990s, and centers
around the two young daughters, Isabelle and Natalie, of unmarried parents in
Washington State. When Isabelle and Natalie’s parents ended their relationship
in 1991, their father Brad moved in with his parents, the Troxells. Given that
Brad was staying with his parents, the girls got tons of grandma and grandpa
time on the weekends Brad had visitation. Sadly, in May of 1993, Brad committed
suicide and left the girls’ mother, Tommie, to raise Isabelle and Natalie on
her own.
A 1993 lawsuit
radically transformed the state of grandparents’ visitation rights in the U.S.
In the immediate
aftermath of Brad’s death, Tommie ensured the Troxells they could continue to
have a close and loving relationship with their granddaughters. However, by the
fall of 1993, the daily trials and tribulations of life made frequent weekend
visits difficult. Tommie informed the grandparents that she wished to limit
overnight visits to one visit per month. In December of 1993, the Troxells sued
Tommie for grandparent visitation rights in Washington Superior Court.
The lawsuit they
brought forth to fight to see their granddaughters has radically transformed
the state of grandparents’ visitation rights in the U.S. This case made it all
the way to the Supreme Court of the United States of America (Troxel v.
Granville, 530 U.S. 57
(2000)). The opinion was written by Justice Sandra Day O’Connor
with Justices William Hubbs Rehnquist, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, and Stephen G.
Breyer joining the plurality.
In its ruling, the
Court determined that the Fourteenth Amendment’s Due Process Clause provides
significant protection against government interference with certain fundamental
rights and liberty interests, including parents’ fundamental right to make decisions
concerning the care, custody, and control of their children.
Life after Troxell v.
Granville
When I first learned
about Troxell v. Granville, my heart broke for both sides of this
troubled family. As someone who grew up enjoying the regular love, comfort,
and attention of all four of my doting grandparents, I hold the
grandparent/grandchild relationship in the highest regard. The Troxels just
lost their son. They must have been desperate to maintain their close
relationship with Isabelle and Natalie, the only connection they had left to
Brad.
It is also not
difficult to see Tommie Granville’s side of the story either. Tommie was a
single parent who just became an only parent. Gone was the
support of her co-parent — no financial support from Brad, no logistical
support with getting the children to their school or extracurricular
activities, and no father to provide a strong role model for her girls.
If the Court finds
that a child has at least one fit parent, grandparents generally do not have
the right to court-ordered visitation.
Tommie Granville did
not oppose visitation with Brad’s parents. Quite the opposite — she
testified at Court that she wanted Isabelle and Natalie to regularly visit
their paternal grandparents, but opposed the burdensome schedule demanded by
the Troxels. Children grow up. Isabelle and Natalie would reach a stage of
maturity where they want every other weekend sleepovers with their friends, not
their grandparents.
After Troxel
v. Granville, so long as the Court finds that a child has at least one fit
and proper parent, grandparents generally do not have the right to
court-ordered visitation with their grandchildren over the parent(s)’s
objection. There are exceptions, and those exceptions vary by state.
Staying involved
If you want to spend time with
your grandchildren, make sure that you are helpful to the parents,
even when they don’t appreciate it. Remember: honey, not vinegar. Consider the
following out-of-court options:
1.
Offer Help to The Parent(s): Imagine how different
life would have been for the Troxels if, instead of suing the mother of their
grandchildren in Court for weekend visitation, holidays, and weeks in the
Summer, they offered to
help Tommie. Offer to drive the children to their extracurricular
activities, or offer a respite so the parent can get a break. Perhaps offer to
tutor your grandchild in a subject you are great at or offer to take the
children back-to-school shopping.
2. Plan a Family
Vacation: With
the parent(s) blessing, plan a family vacation for you, your grandchildren and
your grandchildren’s parents. Perhaps rent a cottage near the ocean or take a
cruise. You will get to spend time with your grandchildren and make memories
that will last a lifetime.
3. Just Show Up: Again, with the
parent(s) blessing, show up to support your grandchild at their soccer
practice, their choir performances, or their school play. You may not get to
spend one-on-one time with your grandchildren, but trust me, they will know you
are there.
While grandparents’
rights are emotionally fraught, the benefits of attempting to
balance time with extended family is important for kids, especially after their
parents split. Make yourself available, and focus on being collaborative — not
combative — with your grandchildren’s other parent (even if you are harboring
strong feelings about his/her split with your child).
With some good juju
and good luck, chances are you’ll be able to stay out of Court and stay focused
on having fun with your grandchildren.
Christy A. Zlatkus
launched Z Family Law, a
boutique family law firm based in Rockville, Maryland.
This article
originally appeared on the Worthy blog.
Worthy is an online auction platform helping people sell unwanted jewelry in a
smart, easy, secure way.
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