Follow these tips to ease the transition into caregiving
AARP,
December 6, 2019
Caring for a family member or close friend who
is aging or ill is one of the most important roles you can play in that
relationship — and one of the most complicated.
The caregiving can happen suddenly with an
accident or disease diagnosis, or start gradually with driving your loved one
to get groceries or see a doctor. Later, you may find yourself preparing
meals, handling their finances or taking time off work to address their
growing needs.
Whether you're just beginning to anticipate a
need or taking care of a family member full time, these tips, resources and
checklists can help you get organized and find support on your caregiving
journey. Remember: Just take it one step at a time.
1. Start the conversation
The right time to talk about the future is
now, even if it's uncomfortable.
Ask your loved one about their preferences,
values and wishes for things that matter, from health to finances. If you wait
until an accident, fall or serious diagnosis, when everyone's stress levels are
sky high, your choices may be more limited and more difficult to evaluate.
·
Look
for an opening. Rather than
bringing up a tough topic out of the blue, find a suitable conversation starter
— perhaps a recent comment from your loved one or an article you saw online.
Example: “You mentioned your eyes are bothering you. Is this causing problems
with reading or driving?”
·
Keep
trying. For some
people, admitting they need help can be hard. If
your first talk doesn't go well, gently try again. If you are repeatedly shut
out, consider asking another family member, a trusted friend or a doctor to
approach the person about your concerns.
·
Don't
avoid the subject of money. It's
often at the heart of decisions you'll make as a caregiver. Respectfully ask
your loved one to review bank accounts and health insurance so you can know how
much is available to cover potential costs.
·
Listen
to and respect your loved one's desires. The person you're caring for always should participate in
discussions about his needs and plans, to every extent possible.
·
Bring
others into the conversation. Ask a few other people close to your loved one — family
members or friends — to be part of the process. Conflicts may arise, but don't be afraid to
talk through them. Better to do so now than in a time of crisis.
2. Form a team
Trying to handle the responsibilities of
caregiving by yourself can lead to burnout and stress-related health
problems. Don't go it alone.
Reach out to form a larger network of family,
friends and community resources that can help you. And always remember to
consider your loved one a part of the team.
·
Go
deep and go wide. Team members who
have little free time or don't live nearby can still play valuable roles. Maybe
they can pitch in with bill paying, financial help or meal organizing. The
computer whiz in the family could set up an electronic calendar for chores or
dinner delivery.
·
Decide
who's in charge. It's important
to have a point person to keep the process moving and make sure everyone on the
team understands plans and priorities. In most families, one person assumes the
primary role by virtue of living nearby, having a close relationship with the
care recipient or being a take-charge person. That might be you.
·
Consider
a mediator. When difficult
subjects and potential disagreements arise, engaging an outside facilitator,
such as a social worker or minister, can be useful to keep the team focused and
maintain smooth, productive communication.
3. Make a plan
Now work with your team to develop a plan,
thinking both short term — such as determining who will be responsible for each
caregiving task — and long term.
You can't anticipate every detail or scenario,
but being forward-thinking now will help you respond more quickly and
effectively in an emergency. That mind-set also helps ensure that everyone
keeps the focus on what's best for your loved one.
·
Determine
roles. Ask team members
what tasks they can take on. Who is free to travel to medical appointments? Who
can prepare meals a few times a week? Who can make sure the bills are paid? If
you're the primary caregiver, delegating even small tasks can make a big
difference in your busy schedule.
·
Be
honest with yourself. Think about what
you are prepared to do. Caregiving can involve intimate tasks, such as helping
a loved one bathe or use the toilet. If you are uncomfortable with something,
ask if another team member can step in. If financially feasible, consider hiring assistance.
·
Put
it in writing. A written record
will ensure that everyone is on the same page and avoid misunderstandings.
Summarize and distribute the plan in writing and make sure everyone understands
it will evolve as time passes and the care recipient's condition changes.
·
Find
the best way to communicate. You may want to set up an email group to keep everyone up
to date. You might also consider using an online scheduling tool such as Lotsa Helping Hands to organize and stay
current on who's doing what, when.
4. Care for your loved one
This step encompasses the others, of course, and
every caregiver's situation is different.
But a wide range of resources and tools can
make your job easier, whether you're caring for a parent who lives in another
state, a spouse with a long-term illness or a sibling with dementia. In any
caregiving situation, find out in advance where to get information and
assistance.
·
Advocate
for yourself. Let doctors know
that you are the primary caregiver and need to be informed about your loved
one's condition and treatments. Ask for training if you are expected to do
procedures at home, such as injecting medication or changing bandages.
·
Keep the home safe. If the
person you're caring for has difficulty getting around or their vision or
hearing fades, some simple changes can make the home less hazardous. Consider
installing items such as adjustable shower seats, grab bars, handrails and
night-lights.
·
Stay
organized. Caregivers need
to keep track of lots of information — emergency phone numbers, health records,
prescriptions and more. It can feel overwhelming. Caregiving apps such as CareZone and Medisafe can
help you stay on top of appointments, medication times and other key
information.
5. Care for yourself
Family caregivers find it easy to forget about
their own needs, which is why caregivers often experience high stress levels,
depression and other health problems.
Don't neglect exercise, healthy eating and
sleep. And take time for activities you enjoy. You'll need to keep up your
energy and stay well to care for others.
·
Understand caregiving's costs. You might
find yourself taking time off work, cutting back on hours, passing up
promotions and paying for things like your loved one's groceries and
prescriptions. Try to calculate these costs when doing family budgeting.
·
See
if your workplace is accommodating. Your
employer might be fine with you adjusting your schedule or working from home
some days to meet caregiving responsibilities. If you need more time off, find
out if the Family and Medical Leave Act covers your
workplace. Eligible employees can take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave a year for
caregiving duties.
·
Give
yourself a break. Sometimes
caregivers feel guilty about taking time to have
fun. Find ways to reduce your stress and enjoy yourself. Many caregivers turn
to yoga or meditation, or arrange a weekly movie outing with friends. Think
about what activities you find relaxing or energizing and put them on your
to-do list.
https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/basics/info-2019/first-time-caregiver-tips.html?cmp=EMC-DSO-NLC-RSS-CAREGIVING--CTRL-121319-P7-4230959&ET_CID=4230959&ET_RID=42869195&encparam=D%2bGLTapXtuV5J6qM9l445Y%2fhEjhzZd3cl8RzTMLdDf8%3d
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