It’s not easy to support someone when they are going through a
difficult time, so when a loved one has cancer it’s not always obvious what we
should do. This article offers advice on how to help someone with cancer — be
it a family member, friend or colleague.
Take time to prepare
for yourself
In order to make sure that you can offer as much support as your
loved one requires, you need to ensure that you are emotionally ready to be
there for them. Take time to process the news so that when you see your loved
one you can focus on them.
Be an information
gatherer
Learn about the diagnosis and treatment, either through
reputable medical online sources or through someone close to the person, as
your friend or family member might not want to talk about it. Having to repeat
the same information can be draining. Having a good understanding of the
changes your loved one will go through can also help you in supporting them, as
well as preparing you for any physical changes you notice when you see them.
You
may also want to find some information that could be useful for your loved one,
such as good ways to manage side effects or any local support services.
Their emotions
Your loved one will probably feel a lot of different emotions
following their diagnosis. These could include anger, sadness, loneliness,
fear, frustration, resentment, grief and guilt. It is very normal for someone
to experience mood swings after a diagnosis, with emotions likely to change
quite suddenly. Be aware and be patient.
Allow your loved one
to be upset
If you are more aware of the emotions your loved one may go
through, you won’t be as surprised when they happen. This will allow the person
to feel their emotions and explore them. It is important that this happens —
don’t try and stop them from being upset or sad.
Respect their need to
be alone
As well as being there to support them at times when they may
feel emotions such as loneliness, it is important to understand that they may
need some space. Knowing when they need time to themselves and respecting that
is an important part of the process.
Keep in touch
Ensuring that you maintain the relationship you have with your
loved one is crucial. Try your best to see them as often as possible — and as
often as they permit — to help them feel less isolated. Friendship makes a real
difference as people often feel more vulnerable.
Be a good listener
When seeing your friend or family member, spend time listening
to them. They may be experiencing a lot of changes and may want to share their
worries with you. You may not always have the answers, but allowing them to
share their stories may provide them with all the support they need.
What to say
Finding the right things to say can be difficult when supporting a family member with
cancer. The important thing is to make sure you keep in contact
with them rather than stop talking to them due to your own anxieties about what
to say.
·
“I’m sorry this has happened”
·
“I’m here to listen whenever you
want to talk”
·
“I’m thinking of you”
·
“How can I help?”
Using a touch of sensitive, appropriate humour is believed to
help people improve their outlook, mood and
well-being and reduce stress and promote bonding, which
might make treatment more tolerable.
Use silence and touch
When listening to your loved one, you don’t always have to say
something in response. Sometimes silence can help you both have a moment to
connect and collect your thoughts. Make sure you physically engage with your
friend or family member — hold their hand or put your arm around them. If they
pull away, understand that they may prefer more space.
Privacy and
confidentiality
Whether the person you know is a family member, friend or
colleague, it is important to respect their privacy. You should not share any
of their personal information with other friends or people at work — whether
the information is that they have been diagnosed or a story from their
treatment.
Go with them to
appointments
As we have discussed, when a loved one has cancer, it is
important to spend time with them. A great way to support them can be attending
potentially daunting appointments and chemotherapy or radiotherapy sessions
with them. Cancer treatment can be both physically and mentally draining, so
having someone there can make the process easier for cancer patients — as well
as being able to provide transport.
Offer practical help
The side effects of cancer treatment can include fatigue and
nausea, making everyday tasks more challenging. Offering to transport your
loved one to and from their treatment sessions is one example of how you can
provide practical help. Doing a food shop, looking after children or pets, or
helping with household chores can really make a difference.
Finding support groups
Support groups can help provide the valuable help for your loved
one that you might not be able to give. By being able to meet with other people
who have been diagnosed with cancer and are also undergoing treatment, your
friend or family member can share experiences and find people they can relate
to.
Many support groups can now be found online, making them
accessible no matter where you live. This is also helpful if your loved one
struggles to make it to support groups due to the side effects of their
treatment.
Gifts
Gift-giving is a good method of how to support someone with
cancer in the family or your friendship group. By giving someone a present, no
matter how small, it shows how much they mean to you and that you are thinking
of them. Whether the presents are to keep them entertained during treatment or
for the days they can’t get out of bed, or products to help build up their
confidence, there are many gift ideas that can help keep spirits up.
The importance of work
Maybe the person you know who has recently been diagnosed is a
colleague. For some people, getting back into a routine whilst undergoing
treatment is important. It can be powerful to feel needed and productive. Going
back to work can serve as a distraction, an opportunity to socialise and a
boost in feelings of self-worth.
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