How
to grow happier with each decade
by Eric Spitznagel, September 27, 2018
Legendary actress Jane Fonda turned 80 this year, and she's
never seemed more vibrant. What’s her secret? According to her, she’s “a
believer in intentional living.”
So what is she talking
about? Intentional living is being more aware of choices, conscious of the
day-to-day. Growing older, after all, is not a marathon, where you win just by
crossing the finish line. To be intentional means you realize it's not just the quantity of
life that matters, but also the quality.
How can you turn this
philosophy into a new approach to aging? We talked to experts from minimalists
to Harvard researchers to everyday people to find out.
1. Organize Goals by ‘Must Do,’ ‘Should Do’ or ‘Could Do’
“You can't do
everything that's good for you at once,” says Richard Kowal, a chiropractor and
nutritionist in New York. So how do you keep from not giving up before you’ve
even started?
Kowal suggests
breaking down your goals — for exercise, diet, sleep and anything else — into
manageable categories of things that must be done (a health
imperative), should be done (important but not urgent)
and could be done (if you're so inclined).
“The idea is not to be
perfect all at once, but to find goals that seems reasonable and just begin
with that,” Kowal says. For example, want to eat more greens but have a
weakness for pizza? Have them slather it with spinach. “Now you’re moving in
the right direction,” he adds.
2. Dump the Junk
Living a long life often
means you’ve accumulated a lot of stuff. But how much of it do you
actually need? Amy McGinnis Hogan, a psychotherapist and minimalist guidance counselor, helps people
downsize to “surround themselves with only the items that are necessary to
their current lives.”
It can be hard to let
go. Hogan reminds clients that “it’s not about where we’ve been, but rather
what we are doing right now.” Are your possessions supporting your
present life, or are they mementos of time gone by? Hogan sees that using the
minimalist approach helps clients release fear by “forcing them to recognize
what they truly need versus what they think they need.” And it
can make you happier in the moment.
3. Get a Job!
Living to a ripe old
age isn’t about ticking a checklist — “Made it to 88. Check!” What
are you sticking around for? Studies show people
with a purpose live longer than those riding out the clock.
Living
to a ripe old age isn’t about ticking a checklist—“Made it to 88, check!” What
are you sticking around for?
Patricia Boyle, a neuropsychologist at the
Rush Alzheimer's Disease Center in Chicago, has studied the connection between
longevity and purpose. She says a purpose can be anything that gets you
excited, such as “volunteering, spending time with grandchildren, gardening and
learning new things such as a language.”
4. Nix the ‘Senior Moment’ BS
We're too quick to
blame our age for common mistakes, says Sarah Jane Barber, a psychologist at
Georgia State University, who has studied routine forgetfulness mislabeled as
“senior moments.”
Rather than expecting
that advanced age automatically means disadvantage, Barber recommends
“reminding yourself that stereotypes are not self-fulfilling prophecies.”
There's no reason to be overly cautious or risk-averse when relying on your
memory, Barber says. “Try not to worry about avoiding failures and instead
focus on performing your best.”
5. Hang Out With the Cool Kids
When Peggy
Fleming goes to the gym, she’s not the 19-year-old girl who won
a gold medal in figure skating at the 1968 Winter Olympics. She’s a 70-year-old
woman who just wants to feel comfortable in her own skin.
What keeps her coming
back? Her fellow gym devotees, especially those her age or older, pushing
themselves to get stronger. "I see them in the gym out of the corner of my
eye," Fleming says. "And I’m, like, ‘If they can do that, why can’t I?’
”
6. Be Content With Mediocrity
Elaine Soloway, the
author of Bad Grandma and Other Chapters in a Life Lived Out Loud,
decided after her 80th birthday that she wanted to learn some new skills.
So she’s taking beginner classes in swimming, piano and Spanish. She’s not
proficient at any of the above yet, but she doesn't care. She loves exploring
uncharted territory.
“It feels miraculous
that I can plunk out ‘It Never Entered My Mind’ on the piano,” she says. “And
now I can write my daily journal in Spanish, with un diccionario a mi
lado [a dictionary by my side].”
Why put effort into
something she’ll never master? “I’m content with mediocrity,” Soloway says with
a shrug. She's proof that at any stage in life, but especially the latter half,
we should be focused on the journey more than the destination.
Eric Spitznagel is a writer and the author of seven books, including his latest ,Old Records Never Die.
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