Mindfulness
techniques can help you cope with anxiety and uncertainty
by Barry J. Jacobs, AARP, November 1, 2016
When a beleaguered family caregiver
comes to me for counseling, I ask, "How do you cope with stress?" But
what I really mean is, "How are you handling change?" The amount of stress
that caregivers feel has everything to do with how well they adapt to age- or
illness-related changes big ("my dad has been falling a lot") and
small ("I forgot to pick up Mom's blood pressure medicine").
Generally speaking, more change — crises piled atop crises — means more
stress, and a caregiver who sleeps poorly, tires easily and snaps
with irritation at others.
According to the 2015 National Alliance for
Caregiving/AARP Caregiving in America report, nearly half of all family
caregivers are "somewhat stressed" and more than a third are
"highly stressed." If you're one of them, you need to fight change
with change.
As the Serenity Prayer suggests, the key is to
have the courage to take whatever steps are possible to transform the
caregiving situation. That could mean actually changing your loved one's
condition by, say, finding a new doctor and more effective medical treatments,
or hiring a more attentive home health aide to provide greater support.
But we also have to accept that there are many
things about the caregiving situation we can't change. Then managing stress
comes down to modifying our reactions. We can do this many ways. When we
improve our sleep, we increase our capacity for patience. When we engage in
more physical exercise, we release endorphins into our bloodstreams and reduce
our tendencies to become anxious and depressed. When we reach out to others for
help, we feel less panic-stricken and alone.
In our new book, AARP Meditations
for Caregivers, we also suggest several types of mindfulness
practices to decrease the intensity of our emotional reactions to change. The
term "mindfulness" doesn't mean distracting ourselves from the
suffering around us. Instead, it involves using steady, rhythmical breathing
and focused concentration to help us become more aware of, but less reactive
to, that suffering.
Different caregivers may respond to different
mindfulness practices. A few to try:
Healing breaths. As you sit quietly in a comfortable
position, count your breaths from 1 to 10, and repeat, breathing deeply and
evenly while trying to remain focused on the present moment. Try not to get
frustrated if your mind begins to drift, just ease it back on track. With
practice you will be able to better still your thoughts.
Visualization. For many caregivers in my psychology
practice, just sitting and breathing feels awkward and uncomfortable,
especially at first. For many of them, I recommend they try deep and even
breathing for five or 10 minutes while visualizing a favorite relaxing scene —
lying on the beach on a summer's day or walking through a cool, tree-shaded
glen. The power of those visual scenes to engage the mind provides a kind of
mental vacation. Many say they emerge from these reveries feeling replenished
and refreshed.
Walkabout. Some caregivers are simply too antsy to sit,
breathe and visualize. They need a more active way to relax. For them, I
suggest a walking meditation — literally, to take a trek in the neighborhood.
But this is not just any idle stroll. It means breathing deeply while focusing
intently on the sensations you're experiencing — the smell of clipped grass, a
dog's bark, a slightly swaying branch. The more deeply you can immerse yourself
in the present, the lighter and more buoyant you will feel when you return
home.
Creative act. Artists have long known that the deep
concentration that comes with creative activity can produce a kind of high
afterward. We all have our own creative outlets. When I write articles such as
this one, I breathe deeply and lose myself in finding the proper phrases with
the right sounds and meanings on the page. This is my mindfulness. Take time
for your own, and you are likely to feel renewed and more calm.
Barry J. Jacobs,
a clinical psychologist, family therapist and healthcare consultant, is the
co-author of the book AARP Meditations
for Caregivers (Da Capo, 2016). Follow him on Twitter
and Facebook.
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