The documents and discussions you should complete early — before
a crisis hits
by Amy Goyer,
October 20, 2016
It always surprises me how many people do not
have health
and financial legal
documents in place in case of emergency or death. I know it's easy to
procrastinate when a task can be so confusing and daunting, especially when you
may already be swamped with caregiving duties. But you don't want to find
yourself struggling over complicated legal matters when there's a crisis and
tensions are high.
When my sister suddenly became gravely ill
after cardiac arrest, I thought I had up-to-date, witnessed electronic copies
of her legal documents. I discovered that I didn't, and I had to search through
her house — incredibly stressful on top of the strains of shock and deep grief.
I realized how important it was to be prepared. That's why in my book, AARP's Juggling
Life, Work and Caregiving, I included a chapter that describes
the important steps.
Below is an excerpt regarding the first step:
Talking with your loved ones about plans and
wishes
Discuss these
matters early and often — before a crisis occurs. If your loved
one hasn't taken the steps outlined here, you'll need to help them do so. Some
topics you'll want to address with them:
·
What plans and legal
documents they already have in place and how to access them
·
Who they want to make
financial and medical decisions on their behalf
·
Whether they would
want life-sustaining treatments if they had a terminal condition
·
How they would like
the end of their lives to be handled
·
What their preferences
are for funeral, burial and memorial service arrangements
·
Whether they want
donations in their name in lieu of flowers, and if so, to what organizations
·
What they want done
with their property after their death
Sometimes, even when approached with
sensitivity and respect, loved ones resist discussing such personal matters and
plans. Know that you can only do your best to help them. If they refuse to
accept assistance or share information but can still make their own decisions,
you may not be able to do anything. In that case, be there for whatever help
they allow you to provide and choose to act differently in terms of your own
long-term planning. Often it helps to bring in an objective third party, such
as a counselor, doctor, lawyer or mediator.
Once you've had the talk, make sure key legal
documents are in place, including:
Medical legal
documents
Advance directives include a variety of legal
documents that provide direction for future (in advance of need) health care
treatment, including who will be able to make decisions for us if we are unable
to do so. Advance directives may include:
·
Power of
attorney for health care or mental health care: Designates who
can make health decisions for us when we are unable
·
Living will (also
known as health care instructions): Informs physicians, family and others of
our wishes for medical treatment if we become incapacitated. I am a fan of
the Aging with Dignity 5 Wishes living will approach because it is
very user-friendly for those creating their living will.
·
DNR
(do-not-resuscitate orders): Also known as a "no code," a DNR can be
created only by a doctor in consultation with a patient or with a health care
agent (power of attorney).
·
POLST (physician
orders for life-sustaining treatment): These work in tandem with advance
directives but are medical orders for specific medical treatments for people
who have an illness. Not everyone needs a POLST, and it may be known by
different names in various states, including POST (physician orders for scope
of treatment), MOLST (medical orders for life-sustaining treatment), COLST
(clinician orders for life-sustaining treatment), SMOST (summary of physician
orders for scope of treatment) or SAPO (state authorized portable orders); some
states have their own programs and state-specific names.
Financial and
estate-planning legal documents
·
Power of attorney for
finances: Designates who can make financial decisions when we are unable.
·
Digital power of
attorney: Designates who can manage our digital assets (websites and blogs;
email accounts; digital photos and videos; social media; e-statements and
online access to bank, investment, brokerage accounts or credit cards; and
passwords associated with these accounts).
·
Wills and living
trusts: Outline estate planning.
While it's always a good idea to consult with
an attorney in your state who specializes in family law, estate planning or
elder care law, there are some documents you can create yourself. See AARP's Advance
Directives guide to download your state's advance directives
forms.
You'll find more detailed descriptions of
these documents — as well as info on how to find a legal professional to help,
how to manage others' finances and health care, and much more — in my
book, including a special section on tips for challenging family conversations.
Amy Goyer is AARP's Family and Caregiving
Expert and author of Juggling Life,
Work and Caregiving. Connect with Amy on Twitter, Facebook,
Youtube,
LinkedIn,
amygoyer.com and in our Online Community.
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